“That moment stayed with me”: A Story of Self-Harm Recovery  

This blog post tells a personal story of self-harm and contains graphic references to mental health struggles. The content may be distressing for some readers. If you feel affected while reading, please consider seeking support from a qualified professional or a trusted individual. A list of resources is available at the end of the post.

(Visuallys / Équipe Visuallys IA Hiver-Printemps 2023 avec Midjourney)

The first time

The first time I thought about hurting myself, I was twelve. I don’t think I fully understood what was happening. It felt like there was a voice inside my head pushing me toward it, and I didn’t know how to ignore it. 

By the time I was fourteen, those thoughts had turned into actions. It started small, but over time, it became something I returned to repeatedly. In those moments, it felt like a release—like I could finally breathe. It gave me a sense of relief I didn’t know how to find anywhere else. 

So I kept going back to it. 

At sixteen, it had become a daily habit. I didn’t always understand why I was doing it, but it felt routine—almost automatic. Part of me believed it was helping, that it was making things easier to handle. 

But it wasn’t. 

I didn’t realize that at the time. One night, when everything felt especially overwhelming, things went further than I expected. It scared me. For the first timem I truly understood that I had lost control, and that what I was doing wasn’t helping me—it was hurting me.

That moment stayed with me. 

Finding ways to cope

Today, I’m nineteen, and I still deal with those urges. But over time, I’ve learned ways to cope with them. For me, distraction has been one of the most important tools in recovery—and it might help you too. 

One of my favorite ways to cope is through arts and crafts.

When things feel intense, I’ll sit down with a colouring book and focus on filling in a page. It’s simple, but it helps me slow down and redirect my thoughts. I also work on longer projects, like latch-hooking a rug. Watching come together over time reminds me of all the moments I chose to keep going instead of giving in.

Journaling has also been a big support. I keep a notebook nearby so I can write whenever I need to. Getting my thoughts out of my head and onto paper helps me process what I’m feeling. 

Music is probably what I turn to most. Putting on headphones and listening to a song can help me feel understood or calm, depending on what I need in that moment. It meets me where I am. 

It’s been seven years since those thoughts first started. The voice is still there sometimes—especially at night. But now, it’s not the only one I hear. 

There’s another voice too. 

It’s quieter, but stronger in a different way. It reminds me to reach for my journal, or my guitar, or to keep going with something I’ve started. It reminds me that I have choices.

And maybe that’s what recovery looks like for me—learning which voice to follow. 

If you’re struggling, please know you’re not alone. There is help out there, and things can get better. Recovery is possible.

Article writting by Allyson Farrell – Citizen volunteer

If you are struggling with self-harm, you are not alone. What you’re feeling is real, and support is available. Reaching out—even in a small way—can be a powerful first step. 

Learn more about youth and self-harm  
https://cmha.ca/news/youth-and-self-harm/  

Suicide Prevention (Quebec – 24/7) 
📞 1-866-277-3553 
Text: 535353  

Local crisis centres (Montreal area) 
You can call 811 (Info-Social) to be connected to nearby mental health support services.  

LGBTQ+ Youth Line (Canada/Quebec) 
📞 1-800-268-9688 
Text: 647-694-4275